Introduction
Anger. Bad behavior. Wrath. It has run rampant for centuries. It was in our scripture from long ago, and is even more prevalent today.
There have been stunning displays of anger, bad behavior, and wrath, particularly in the last few months since the Coronavirus began. And with the increase exposure of such through social media there is never a lack of finding examples. And many of them are by people who have had their anger and wrath caught on camera, posted to the internet, and then immediately labeled with the scornful term of an entitled and demanding person playing the role of a victim, but who is really only using their privilege to demand their own way. If you’ve heard the term…say it with me…Karen.
Now the origins of the term are debated, and truthfully I think it’s an unfortunate use of a lovely name. I personally know several people named Karen and they are all wonderful people we are the antithesis of this new definition—one of whom is a member of our church family.
But those who are given this pejorative title—and not actually named such—are those whose anger, bad behavior, and wrath are running rampant today. They include those who…
Call the authorities to shut down a kid’s lemonade stand because they don’t have a permit to sell such.
Call the cops when a bird watcher asks them to leash their dog in a section of Central Park where it is required.
Spew hate at a Starbucks worker for refusing her service for not wearing a mask in a mask-mandated coffee shop, then seeing that Starbucks worker receive over 100 thousand dollars in “tips” and demanding she’s owed half for her role in the worker getting those tips.
There is no male version of the term, but men can be slapped with the label too. Such as one man who tweeted about the unacceptable 18 minute wait for shredded cheese for some fajitas, saying, “We gotta quit blaming #COVID19 for crappy service.”
These are just a few of the literally countless examples out there, and believe me, they get harsher, uglier, angrier, and more vulgar and even deadly.
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These stunning displays of anger, bad behavior, and lack of consideration for the recipients of this wrath are the markers of people who have no concept of empathy, compassion, or understanding. They are self-absorbed, entitled people who disregard the feelings of others—and this is to say nothing about those whose disdain is voiced in a subtle, more passive manner, but still with the same aggression.
But whether it is an explicit outburst or a passive aggressive dig, all of it causes me to wonder… Why do some people lose control in an emotional situation and feel entitled to hurtful, insensitive, and cruel diatribes, while others can calmly traverse the rapids of disagreement and sail smoothly to the shores of understanding? Or maybe a better question than asking “why do some respond with aggression”, would be to ask “how others don’t?”.
How can we be more calm in the face of disagreement and conflict, and thus break the cycle of aggression and cruelty our world seems to think is the only way?
Well, Joseph was able to break the cycle.
Move 1
Joseph would never go viral with his behavior—which is unfortunate because we would benefit from seeing such. But Joseph stands in quiet contrast to the “take- no-prisoners and have-to-have-the-final word” world so often on display. Just when we reach the climactic moment in the Genesis story—after the betrayal, slavery, imprisonment, the dream-catching and rise to power— finally the drama comes to a head.
Joseph, second in command to Pharaoh and arbitrator of food in a starving land, faces his treacherous brothers and has both the opportunity and the power to have them punished or even killed. And what does he do? The words seem to be leading up to a cataclysmic resolution. Joseph, after all, “could no longer control himself before all those who stood by him, and he cried out …” (v. 1).
But Joseph is not one for aggression or cruelty, even though he certainly could have been justified in being such. We, the readers, are expecting fireworks, revenge, punishment, perhaps banishment of his brothers—this is a viral video ready to happen.
But instead, Joseph astonishes in a different way. He astonishes by offering his unlovable, unsympathetic, cruel, jealous brother’s forgiveness, mercy, and reconciliation.
Like I said, Joseph would never go viral with his behavior. No drama. No rant. No entitlement. No dramatic call to the authorities fanning victimhood. Today the ruling response to anything deemed unjust is anger and vitriol. But Joseph was ruled by something different. Instead of what is expected, what is maybe even deserved, Joseph offers an olive branch of remarkable proportions.
Move 2
What do we allow to rule us?
Some people rule with fear and coercion. Some, then, are ruled by fear and coercion.
Those who call themselves followers of God allow the power of the Holy Spirit to speak through them. This was clearly the case for Joseph—who was not about fear, not about judgment, not about revenge.
Joseph, in that moment when those who had wronged him stood before him, had every right to say “Take that!” His anger would be justified. No one would blame him after the multitude of hurts his brothers inflicted, the devastating pain and suffering they caused.
But what happens instead? Simply grace. Grace lived, grace spoken, grace shared. Undeserved, unearned, unexpected grace.
Joseph could have commanded fear. He could have demanded retribution from his siblings because it was them who made it so that he knows what it means to literally be in a pit of despair. But even though he has every right, Joseph will not convict his brothers to a similar fate. And in doing so he extends God’s mercy and grace—the same mercy and grace which has brought him to this life-giving moment of power.
But how did he do it? What did he allow to rule in his heart?
Perhaps he reflected on how the Spirit had woven its way in and through the course of his life.
Perhaps he became mindful of how God’s Spirit brooded over him there in that pit where his brothers had thrown him, and had turned the chaos of that place into the blessed, ordered place he now stood.
Whatever it was, a cycle of cruelty was broken in Joseph’s mind and heart, and it empowered him to choose to be a reflection of the miraculous, gentle, and powerful Spirit of God.
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Joseph has experienced both complete human betrayal and absolute divine intervention. And now he has the opportunity to choose which of these experiences he will pass along. So the question is: What will his brothers learn?
If they received the punishment they deserved, they would learn only about justice. They might rightly say, “I deserve this punishment in return for my misdeeds.” But since they instead receive grace and mercy, they have the opportunity to learn love and forgiveness.
Even though he has every reason to be consumed with anger, even though he has every right to rule with fear and power, Joseph chooses to break a cycle and take a different path that models the grace and mercy he himself has received from God.
Move 3
Now some think choosing forgiveness over retribution equates to weakness or a lack of passion. But truly, the display of Joseph’s strength is astounding and the depth of his passion is clear. He cried out when he could no longer contain himself. He could have, humiliated, disgraced, or even killed those who wronged him, but he doesn’t. He refuses to allow anger to dictate his actions. He doesn’t do any of what would be expected.
Instead he offers compassion for those who were ruthless. He offers empathy for those who were unfeeling. He extends love to those who only hated. Joseph mirrored the sentiment of an Eastern wisdom statement that says, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else—you are the one who gets burned.”
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So what are we to do, then, with anger, which can be the justified response in certain situations?
Even though there is no hint of him going for counseling or cathartically hitting his pillow, clearly Joseph worked through his fury and sense of betrayal.
Did he pray? Did he journal his feelings into submission? Maybe. Maybe he talked to his wife or a professional counselor or a trusted friend or pastor.
But whatever it was, he first let God rule his heart so that the offering of grace and mercy, and the resulting resurrection of his family are made possible. Joseph chooses God’s way and reaps the harvest of a family restored. He is reunited with his brothers and his beloved father. And because he let God rule his heart, a senseless cycle of anger and wrath is broken and any perceived weakness is actually strength that generates renewed life for himself and others.
Conclusion
The story of Joseph is an example of the life-giving results of breaking a cycle of anger and wrath with grace and mercy.
This is not to say that those who have been mistreated must instantly run out to offer undeserved leniency to their tormentors. Rather, this story encourages us to place ourselves in the hands of God, who is the fountain of forgiveness and the source of new life. The most life-giving response to bullies and abusers may be to give them a wide berth and deny them any further destructive influence over our lives by NOT allowing their behavior to be perpetuated by ours.
Joseph refuses to allow those evildoers any power over his life. Instead of permitting the resulting anger to destroy him, thus compounding the damage already done, he refuses to allow anger to take over his life and define his actions.
He does not lose control of his emotions, but more importantly, he retains control over his life.
Anger and fear are not directing his actions, and because they don’t, he is able to put anger behind him, break a vicious cycle, and offer them, along with himself, new life.
This is how we can be those who are calm in the face of disagreement and conflict.
This is how we are called to treat others always.
This is how we break the cycle of anger and wrath. Amen.
Pastoral Prayer August 16, 2020
Gracious God, it is so true that fear and doubt will often keep us from trusting your goodness. It is never our desire to be of this world, but rather to be of you, counter to our culture as in the manner Jesus showed. It is hard though.
So we pray, Help us release our fears and doubts; guiding us to give them over to you. Help us to not hide our uncertainty, but bring it openly, knowing you are not surprised by our feelings of hurt, filled with anger, pain, even wrath.
And because you are not, let us not only bring these emotions to you, but hand them over and permit you to transform them into a proactive and productive emotion of grace, mercy, empathy, understanding so that again a cycle of anger and wrath is broken.
Gracious and holy God, it is not an easy time to be the church, but in truth, it has never been easy to be the church.
You have set us apart to respond to our enemies with love, not hate; to desire mercy and justice rather than power and wealth; to align ourselves with the marginalized, the ostracized, the powerless and the downtrodden of our society and our world.
You have called us to be a beacon of peace in the midst of conflict and vitriol; to offer hope and dignity in the face of despair, disillusionment and disgrace.
You have given us the profound privilege and responsibility of showing the world the person of Jesus Christ through our words, deeds and attitudes.
So we pray you strengthen us for this great mission. And where our faithfulness fails us, may your mercy and grace again wash over us so we are empowered to show the world another way—a better way. Your way, which always leads to new life.
Hear now the prayers welled up in our hearts, as we offer them in this time of Holy Silence.
All this we pray in the name of Christ Jesus or Lord and Savior, who taught us to pray, saying, “Our…”